The Burbank Bulldog

Disclaimer: The articles on this page are loosely (if at all) based in reality. Its a joke bro


Lilit Manvelyan

On March 10th, 2021 Principal Dr. Thomas Crowther was caught walking with Kylie Jenner at the mall in Calabasas. This was baffling at first given no one thought they even knew each other. But it turns out that they are best friends and have been for the past 7 years according to Dr. Crowther.

When sighted going inside the mall, Dr. Crowther was spotted wearing...

Teachers: Students get too much sleep

Nina Elmoyan

Alas, it is here. The culmination of rage. For months now, Burbank teachers are complaining about students getting too much sleep. The teachers have finally taken to the streets with their contempt.

Given the amount of sleep students have been getting, Casey Palomo, an English and Journalism teacher, has rallied teachers all around Burbank to protest against the prospect.

“You just don’t see tired students anymore. I speak for the teachers of Burbank...

Dionysian Announces Presidential Run in 2024

On Monday, March 15, Andre Dionysian announced he will be running for President in 2024. Dionysian also stated that his colleague, Tony Ordoukhanian, will be running with him for...

With Unprecedented Budget Surplus, BUSD Invades Iraq

After Superintendent Matt Hill took a modest pay cut of 3%, the BUSD found its budget shortage solved tenfold. Just as critics had pointed out, Dr.Hill was (as the kids say) ‘loaded’. The question: what to do with all this liberated capital?

Now, with a new humbled perspective, the...

Cow Unemployment Hits Record High

Due to the substantial amount of the population drinking almond milk instead of whole milk and many individuals proceed to go vegetarian due to the harassment of the vegan...

Saggy, Now Love Him

Allow me to introduce Saggy, 6 inches of debonair stone with a ¾ inch shock of planty hair. By day, he’s an Instagram personality—but by night, he’s a multi-facetted therapy plant.

In his line of work, Saggy fruitfully faces the masses, entertaining the wits out of his followers with wholesome grins and gobsmacking wordplay...


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